I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
