erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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