dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
