there's paper in my vomit.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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