Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
