I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im about as happy as oj after his trial
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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