i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
