Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
