Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
