sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
