I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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