I cannot find my penis.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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