btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
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