Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
