East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
