He had one of those small greek statue penises
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hippo gnu deer
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
