she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
