so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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