don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
