Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
