im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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