If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
