I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
