just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
