I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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