You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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