Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
