Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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