are you so shy because you have an std?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
