Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
