In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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