he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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