No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
