I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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