Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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