She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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