What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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