He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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