Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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