yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
