did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
