i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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