He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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