So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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