I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
