my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
