i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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