i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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