Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
