this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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