she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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