she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
