ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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