Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
wow bdsm is so cute
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
