you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
