no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
