before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
