i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
