I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
