He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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