I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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