I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize