I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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