phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
