Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
