just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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